So, yeah, this was written yesterday, but I’m sending it today…
I think it’s useful to know that anger has a good side.
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Anger is actually more than one step up from powerlessness.
See, everything is all about energy - how freed up it is, or not. When it is freed even a tiny tiny bit, it naturally rises, because the real us lives on the water’s surface, so to speak. We are the ones who keep pushing the real us under the water. And we are the only ones who can shift that - ease up on the pressure to push ourselves down. It’s us! We can pray in a beseeching way all we want, but there’s not a damn thing anyone or anything can do if we are not ready to give up the resistance.
And today, I’m feeling the resistance.
So what the hell do you do with the damn resistance? What do you do first?
Let the anger come!
I mean, of course the anger comes! Who the fuck wants to be resisting their good? I mean, I ASK you! NO ONE, that’s who! But we do it all the damn time.
REALLY??????
Yeah. Really. We’re not stupid, we’re just trained to put physicality and physical reality first. And that’s. exactly. backwards.
See, there’s this point at which you finally get that everything is energy and that everything comes from energy: ours! You GET it! The next point you come to - the First Empowerment, if you will - is that you can change your energy, and therefore your reality! This is exciting stuff, this is game-changing! Then you get to the next place of resistance and you’re like “oh for the love of gawd! I’m TIRED of this game! WTF???” Because the next place you want to get to is, “oh goody! I get to play AGAIN!”
I ain’t there today. I just. Am. NOT. NOT NOT NOT!
Today I’m in a good old-fashioned funk. LOTS of swear words, LOTS of them.
Oh my freaking GOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!
See? Like that.
It’s all because I’m feeling frustrated because I have to deal with my diet. Did I tell you that I got diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes?
[insert more swear words here]
The doctor’s nurses did not receive the doctor’s note telling them to call me back in AUGUST 2023 when I was PRE-diabetic. So they didn’t call me. So it got worse. So instead of being between 60 and 100 on the sugar scale of a normal person, by the time they got to me, mine was 800-and-mutha-feckin-30!!!
What. the ever. lovin’. &@#%(#@%)(*$^$^!?????
Anyway, I’m doing well now, but I just want to eat what I want to eat whenever I want to eat it, and instead I have to balance carbs and proteins. And this is weird because I learned a while ago that meat is not really protein - it’s a protein vehicle (the animals eat the protein - plants - and then deliver it to us through their meat); veggies are protein, beans are protein. But I am back on the meat because it is, in fact, keeping my numbers down by running interference for the sugars!
This is insanity. I need to go get a truckload of black beans and an even bigger truckload of frickin recipes that will thrill me!
Okay…I have lost weight, so this is a nice feeling, no lie. But Jesus God.
So, where does the anger come in?
Here is the emotional guidance scale, courtesy of Abraham Hicks:
Note, if you will, that anger is more than a couple of steps above powerlessness.
See it on the chart there, 5 steps above the lowest? Okay. Now, where I am feeling my setting today is…powerless. Powerless over diabetes, powerless over my diet, powerless over the feeling of powerlessness…it’s madness!
What I know for sure is that I can’t fight it or it will just increase, because that which you give your attention to, grows!
The other thing I know for sure is that I can’t allow myself to squat in it, because that way depression lies!
So, other than fight or flight, what do we got, friends? We got shifting!
This is where my 1% Solution comes in. But that comes later. First, the anger.
Here’s how this works. Here’s how you use anger for your betterment.
You feel powerless about something and you really want to not feel powerless but you also don’t want to beat the snot outta yourself, so you take a look at the emotional scale and you think to yourself, “Huh…I’d rather be angry.” So you start being angry - at the problem, not at yourself! SHEESH!
If you’re a woman, you may have a socially-induced problem with anger, and you’re going to have to give that up because feeling angry is more FREED ENERGY than feeling powerless! You want to bring your energy up. You don’t have to bring it up to the bliss stage - c’mon, stop trying to be a freaking superhero! - and you don’t even have to target which stage at all! You just have to find some self-supportive things to say, and feel, AND LET YOURSELF FEEL A TINY BIT BETTER.
It only takes a tiny bit.
I used to fight with that. Shoot, I used to fight with happiness. To me, it wasn’t real. It wasn’t “reality” - my reality, anyway. It bubbled up too infrequently and there was no reason to believe in it and keep it up. It wasn’t getting to the bottom of my depression so I thought it wasn’t worth investing time in. If you have been reading my scribblings you will know that this is the equivalent of thinking that there’s a pony somewhere under all of the horse doo.
There ain’t.
When I learned a few things that came together as Big Truth and Reasonable Things to Believe (parts of that 1% Solution), everything shifted and I could let tiny steps forward into feeling and sensing relief be my guide.
Today I’m in and out of anger, and that’s a GOOD thing, because when your starting point is helplessness and powerlessness, anger is a move in the right direction. And that’s all we need to do is move in the right direction. That is a release from the place below to a place above it.
Got it?
It’s not about perfectionism or making-it-to-bliss. The bliss is in the shifting.
And I know this. I have experienced it time and again. But today, I’m throwing a hissy fit. Today I want to be taken care of and I don’t want to have do this shit again all by myself!
So this is how anger is helpful. Where you are standing is always the place of power because that is where you have to be if you want to shift it. Anger has prodded me forward when I was out of answers, and catapulted me into finding new ones. So anger is a buddy of mine. Weird, I know, but there it is. Not a good friend every day. But when I’m in the doldrums, I’m happy to have it come push me forward.
Well, the eclipse was absolutely freakin’ a high point in my day! I didn’t expect that, either. It was a lift up from the anger, and it left me feeling cleaned out. I hoped that cleaned-out feeling meant that I would awaken without anger the next day. And it did!
Still got some frustration. But did you see where frustration is??? SEVEN STEPS ABOVE ANGER! I’m making progress.
And that’s all it takes. A step at a time.
I've been struggling with rebelliousness in my own self. I can really clamp down for several days or even half a dozen weeks - but I don't "want" to. Sometimes I give in to the tantrum . . . Let me see . . . is rebelliousness on the scale above ? Not exactly. Maybe I'm at "frustration".