No more Mama's men - no more infant me
This is a new place and a lot of women are finding their way here
Bad relationships. A lot of emotional labor. A lot of accepting of less-than in a relationship. Settling for less because of negative self-talk and expecting nothing but crumbs.
And all of that is over, y’all. O. VER.
See, the bad relationships were more of the allegiance to the toxic system that Disney embedded in my little girl mind. No matter how many strong, independent women Disney and other films show, the BEING of strength is still something we are stepping into after practicing being the victim in order to fit into the landscape. And I’m convinced that not a lot of men want a strong woman - strong in herself, that is, and able to say, “I don’t think so, honcho.”
It occurred to me - as I went to therapy in my 30’s, and started to grow a Self - that the stronger I got, the more I seemed not to appeal to the men around me. And for many years I continued to think that this meant that something was wrong with me.
It didn’t mean that.
If there was anything wrong it was that the quality of what I wanted in a relationship, and the quality of my vibrational rhythms, of my beliefs, self-judgments and expectations, were completely out of synch. I had to get to a place where I could BE that woman to attract THAT man. Or woman! I have no idea what is best for me in that department because my brain can’t see beyond the hills and valleys of my life. It only knows now.
Yes, it’s been my experience that most men are at least a bit put off by a strong, self-confident woman. But two things: was I really self-confident? Also, let me add that what you believe and align with vibrationally, you can have. So, basing one’s future possibilities on one’s known past is a fool’s game. We gotta stop that nonsense.
It took a while.
For a long time I’ve been frightened of - angry with - furious with - disgusted with - men. Frightened/angry/furious/disgusted with the privilege they get without having to do a freaking thing. Ditto with the whole system that allows a fecking rapist to be president of the damn country. It took me a while to get to the place where I could even imagine that the possibility of a true partner - a conscious, caring, authentic man - even existed in the world.
That’s pretty major, right? I think so.
It took my occasional attention to the topic to get from “ugh, NO” to “well, if he shows up, I’m here for that, but not anything less than that.” And at this point, while I did get there, I’m also at the place where The Man is not The Only Answer!
If I had a big old mansion or something where women could live in their own suites or something, and we shared the kitchen, and we supported one another emotionally with deep, authentic friendships, and I never had to feel alone, I’d be good!
But I also do leave room for something - for lots of somethings - I could never imagine. Because I’m practicing the art of allowing - of leaving the door of possibilities open to anything far beyond what my mind can come up with. And I continue to apply myself to loving myself more, exploring my world, and just BEING HAPPY!
Nothing more attractive to all of my good than being happy!
I find that this is the best way to live life, period: Determine what I want to feel, practice feeling that, match myself mentally/emotionally to that feeling, and know that because I’m doing this, I AM this. And then wait for the form of this magnificence to show itself.
God knows I’ve tried to manipulate everything in my life, from relationships to work and career and money. And none of it has worked. Using only my mind, and not my feminine instinct, intuition, inspiration, and trusting myself - well, it doesn’t work. At all. For me.
It doesn’t work all that well for others, by the way, if you understand that money is not the only measuring stick.
So, I say, no more settling for anything other than my best. My best self, my proud self, my aligned self, my joyous self. And nothing is permitted to take me back into the victimhood stance I took on from childhood.
I’m done. I’m not pissed, frightened, or furious anymore. I’m simply determined. I know what I’m not looking for, and that’s really all I need to know.
